Hey assfaces!

poppywalsh:

Defensive, psh! Totally wasn’t. Rethink it? Sure doesn’t, if anything this gives me an opportunity to show you just how badass I am when it comes to scarfing down food. Neutral? You are a cop, you have right and wrong, and doing your duty means you have to realize that. If you don’t, then holy fuck don’t ever arrest me. Eh, at least you aren’t a gossiping little bitch who spreads all the good stories to people who have big mouths, like myself! But, like I said, I am sure I’ll find out sooner or later and have a laugh about it. Oh, god, you suck. I think I’m adorable!

Well, maybe one day there’ll be some shit fair in town and they’ll have a burger eating contest where we can test our skills, huh? Sweetheart, I may be a cop, but the thing about right and wrong is that it ain’t as black and white as everyone makes it out to be. A corrupt person can play the hero, and a goody goody can commit a crime. The law has no side, and if you don’t realize that, well, maybe you should start paying more attention to your surroundings. Don’t ever arrest ya? Well, we’ll see about that, Miss ‘I don’t even know what trouble is.’ Adorable, huh? I’m just gonna remain mute on that one.

Hey assfaces!

poppywalsh:

Well, the day you start finding me annoying, tell me so I can show you how little I care, okay? Fuck yeah, twelve! I have a fantastic metabolism. Fourteen? I could beat it, easily. It is, but I don’t think I’d see you around it that often given the fact it is on the wrong side of town. You probably pass it a lot when you get calls with it being in the ghetto and all. Eh, I am sure I’ll find out sooner or later, but I am surprised that is somehow classified info. Do I really look like one to you, Nathan? Sure I can be a bit rowdy, but c’mon.

No need to get all defensive—d’ya really want me to break out ‘kid’ again? Hah! Beat me? C’mon, Poppy, let’s get real. Look at the size of me and look at the size of you, and factor in the fact that I have super strength and need to eat a lot. Rethink your bets, huh? Sweetheart, I don’t have a wrong or right side of town; it’s my job as a cop to be neutral. It’s not classified info, but I don’t believe in talking to others about the shit going down in the office, besides one or two good friends of mine that I’ve had for a long time. Yeah, sure, which is why you’re breaking out the puppy dog eyes, huh? 

Hey assfaces!

poppywalsh:

Not as long as I can help it, why? It bothering you? Oh, ha, ha. Thank you so much for the tip. Oh, believe me, I have cravings like you wouldn’t even believe! On a good night I could eat maybe twelve? The Diner down the block just love my business when I have those nights. No sir, I am not a lunatic. Who the hell did that? I hope it wasn’t your head!

Not really, no. I mean, I’ve dealt with more annoyin’ traits—besides, it can be kinda entertaining. Just… I dunno, curious. Weird. Twelve? God damn it, I can’t lie, I’m freakin’ impressed. Though my top number of burgers in a day is fourteen, sorry to tell ya. Yeah? The Diner any good? Some little teenage chick, you probably know her but I’m afraid I can’t say any names. Stupid ass move, though. You sure you ain’t a lunatic, Poppy? 

Hey assfaces!

poppywalsh:

Yeah, yeah, I bet.

You went to college? Shocking, really! Yeah, I know what you mean. I suppose I should up my game just for you, huh? Your boyfriend sounds really sweet for bringing you two burgers. I could go for about five right now. Yeah, I am not getting into anything except, maybe, ruffling a few feathers for the hell of it.

Nice touch of sarcasm, Walsh. Can ya even go a minute without crackin’ some joke or being sarcastic, or crude? Maybe you should, probably wouldn’t hurt to challenge your wit every now and then, huh? Five? Impressive. You should enter a burger eating contest if you’re telling the truth about those cravings. Oh yeah? You ain’t going around and smashing any vodka bottles on any heads, right? Cause I already had to deal with that one this week and believe me, I do not wanna go through that again. 

Hey assfaces!

poppywalsh:

I could, but you kind of already ruined the joke for me. Thanks for taking the fun out of it.

Sounds good to me, boss. Fuck you, they are clever! Get a sense of humor. I am pretty damn awesome. How about you? You doing alright? Doing your job and protecting and serving?

Any time, sweetheart. 

Clever but overused, almost like those shitty ‘Yo Mama’ jokes kids used to tell back when I was in college. Funny the first time, then the more ya hear them, the more ya wanna just tune them out. Yup, I’m doin’ pretty damn good, thanks for asking. Just got out of a long shift, waiting for my pal to bring me my two burgers, drinking a beer… The usual. Whatcha up to, if it ain’t trouble? 

Hey assfaces!

poppywalsh:

Sure don’t! But thank you so much for being a kind and caring citizen. But I am worried about you and your sleeping schedule! How else are you going to make it to that 6 am early bird breakfast tomorrow?

So do you with your kid antics.

Right, right, and what’s your next dig gonna be about, huh? Ya gonna offer to help me cross the street?

I call everyone ‘kid’. It’s a habit. But fine, if it bothers ya so much, I’ll stop for now if you give the old man jokes a rest. They’re kinda pathetic. Anyways, k—Poppy, how are ya tonight? 

Hey assfaces!

poppywalsh:

Should you be in bed, old man? 

And you need a new hearing aid, I said I don’t know that word.

I dunno, shouldn’t you? Isn’t it past your bed time? Don’tcha have curfew or some shit?

And you need a new topic to insult me about, sweetheart. 

Hey assfaces!

poppywalsh:

I love how you call me a kid, it is just so fucking flattering!

You’re avoidin’ the question, kid.

Hey assfaces!

poppywalsh:

Trouble? I am not familiar with that word.

You sure about that, kid? 

Hey assfaces!

poppywalsh:

Always, Officer.

Mhm. You stayin’ outta trouble tonight, Miss Walsh?